POSITIVE THINKING

Saw the doctor today, and he's still a bit positive. Although I now have cancer in various bones,he's got a new chemo therapy that he's starting on Thursday. Plus I might get radiation. The end will still be the same, but he thinks he can control both the pain and maybe the tumors, for a while. Let's hope so!

PROGRESS ISN'T ALWAYS GOOD

Not a great day. I woke up yesterday thinking I was having a stroke (probably a panic attack) and Sandy and I spent a long and boring day at the hospital. Found out it was nothing. But then I got the PET scan results this morning. "The disease has progressed" as they say. It's not too bad yet, but clearly not good. I meet the doctor tomorrow to discuss new therapies, but he was frank to admit that there's no cure and no way out. But he also thinks there are still some things they can do. In addition, I won't be teaching, but go on long term disability, though "long term" is not too likely. I'll miss the students and my colleagues, but I have to devote what energy I got left to fighting this. Thanks to everyone for hanging in, and your comments---all of which I read but can't still figure out how to reply to directly.

MONDAY'S THE DAY

Over the year I've had cancer,the problem has been getting a definitive idea of how I'm doing. On Monday, I get another PET scan, which should answer the question. After Avastin and Tarceva, I need to know if I'm 1> getting better, 2> worse, or 3> staying the same. My doctor will settle for no. 3, and we don't want no. 2, but I'm hoping for no. 1. That will also answer the question of whether the pains I have are chemo, cancer, or something else. I should have the results in a week or so. Thanks to everyone for sticking with me over these many months.

I'M STILL HERE!

Saw the doc on Thursday, and the big issue is deciding what's cancer, what's chemo reaction, and what's old age. After a great weekend on Cape Cod with friends, I've been full of aches and pains of undetermined origin. A PET scan in a week or so should settle the issue, and decide if I'm getting better or not. My daughter gave me a great gift--a digital portrait by an artist named Jesse Wonder Clark. He uses a digital system that can record every brushstroke, so you get the portrait AND a DVD that shows its creation. Click on the title above and then on the "movie" link on the page to see an example. It's pretty amazing.