BRIT PLACE NAMES

There's a great list of the hundred rudest place names in Britain I found on the web. Here's the top 25, guaranteed genuine: 25 Wetwang, East Yorkshire 24 Scratchy Bottom, Dorset 23 Swallow Passage, London 22 Lickey End, Worcestershire 21 Bitchfield, Lincolnshire 20 Spanker Lane, Derbyshire 19 Rimswell, East Riding of Yorkshire 18 Lickfold, West Sussex 17 Dick Court, Lanarkshire 16 Beaver Close, Surrey 15 Fanny Avenue, Derbyshire 14 Cockshoot Close, Oxfordshire 13 Inchinnan Drive, Renfrewshire 12 Fanny Hands Lane, Lincolnshire 11 Hole of Horcum, North Yorkshire, 10 Slag Lane, Merseyside 9 Shitterton, Dorset 8 Back Passage, London 7 Fingringhoe, Essex 6 Muff, Northern Ireland 5 Sandy Balls, Hampshire 4 Twatt, Orkney 3 Bell End, Birmingham 2 Minge Lane, Worcestershire 1 Cocks, Cornwall

MORE ON ME

Saw my oncologist yesterday and the surgeon today, and came out feeling more hopeful. They both didn't agree with the MGH guy who gave me 2 years max, primarily because there are new treatments coming down the pike, and I'm otherwise quite healthy. In fact, I start a new treatment, Avastin + chemo, next week, which is not approved yet for lung cancer, but preliminary research says works well. Plus, surgery (the only cure) is not ruled out yet--- if the chemicals can get the PET scan to behave, they'll go in, scalpels flying. It's a longish shot, since I have little tumory thingies outside my lung, but still not off the (operating) table. They can't do surgery early because once you are sans lung, you then are not eligible for any new therapies, and they offer the most hope. So it's a bit of a race--my health vs new treatments. So far, it looks like I might make it to the finish line in time.

A LITTLE NEWS AND A FUNNY VIDEO

My second opinion wasn't great--- not too encouraging. However, lately my oncologist friends say that it was overly pessimistic. Tomorrow I talk to my oncologist and the next day a surgeon, so we'll see what they say. There's lots of possibilities out there that may lead to long term survival. While we all contemplate what that means, I have a very funny short mockumentary--take a look. Laughter, as they used to say in the Reader's Digest, is the best medicine:
http://www.milkandcookies.com/links/23894/

WHAT THE RICH DO WITH THEIR TAX BREAKS

Get a load of this little item, and read the caption at the bottom about Courage. It's real. Soon we may all be required to own at least the little one! http://foxbronzeart.com/Bush.htm

A SECOND OPINION

I'm going in next week to get a second opinion from the lung unit at Mass General. Today I sent them my records (54 pages so far!) and a summary of my case so far. Here that is, for the morbidly curious:
SUMMARY: My concerns have to do with whether I need more aggressive therapy--- drugs (Tarceva and tests? Chemo and Avastin?); radiation therapy; or surgery. My case is unusual in that the scar tissue caused by 3 pneumothoraxes have confined a few malignant pleural cells to one small area. Exploratory surgery revealed NO malignancy, and the second PET scan showed a smaller tumor BUT three nodes with very small (8 mm) activity that may be malignancy or inflammation (The first PET scan didn’t show lymph node involvment) Plus, cancer blood markers are going down, including a very puzzling marker (CA-19.9) that’s used for pancreatic cancer and reached 7600 but is going down—at 5800 now. There’s NO PET indicator of pancreatic cancer.
Current Therapy: Dr. R. has given me three sessions of chemo, then a second PET scan which was summarized as “mixed at best.” and is now doing three chemo sessions more, to be followed by a third PET scan,
My questions: How do I resolve the lymph node issue? Should I soon have radiation or surgery? Are there better chemo alternatives? Do I need the blood test for Tarceva? What about Tarceva and Avestin? I want a CURE and can take the discomfort—I’m otherwise in great heath-- what’s the most aggressive way to go for it?
PLUS: I included an e-mail exchange with Dr. B about an experimental operation that may be appropriate for my condition

A DIRTY LITTLE DITTY

This little song, by Eric Idle of Monty Python, is full of the f word, so be warned. But it's a cute little ditty: http://www.geoffarnold.com/mt-archives/000103.html

Here's the lyrics, cleaned up, but it sounds much better:
F--k you very much the FCC F--k you very much for fining meFive thousand bucks a f--k So I'm really out of luck That's more than Heidi Fleiss was charging me

So f--k you very much the FCC for proving that free speech just isn't free/Clear Channel's a dear channel/So Howard Stern must go Attorney General Ashcroft doesn't like strong words and so/He's charging twice as much as all the drugs for Rush Limbaugh/So f--k you all so very much
So f--k you very much, Dear Mr. Bush For heroically sitting on your tush For Halliburton, Enron, all the companies who fail Let's send them a clear signal and stick Martha straight in jail/She's an uppity rich bitchand at least she isn't male/So f--k you all so very much

So f--k you dickhead Mr. Cheney too/F--k you and f--k everything you do/Your pacemaker must be a fake/You haven't got a heart/As far as I'm concerned you're just a pasty-faced old fart/And as for Condoleeza she's an intellectual tart/So f--k you all so very much

So f--k you very much, the EPA/For giving all Alaska's oil away/It really is a bummer/When I can't fill my hummer/The ozone's a nogozone now that Arnold's here to say:"The nuclear winter games are going to take place in LA"/So f--k you all so very much

So what the planet fails/Let's save the great white males!/And f--k you all so very much

FROM THE ONION

This could be us:

LONGTIME MARRIED COUPLE SUBJECTED TO EXCRUCIATING ROMANTIC WEEKEND


KENOSHA, WI—Sources report that longtime married couple Duane and Edna Schumacher's weekend stay at Chicago's FantasyLand Suites was a grueling ordeal of unwelcome interruptions to their long-established marital routine.
"Oh, for Jiminy Cricket," Edna, 52, said Monday after returning from the trip, a 30th anniversary gift from her daughters. "Why the girls thought either one of us would find such an experience enjoyable is beyond me."
She added: "I was planning to weed my flower bed and maybe scrub out the back sink, which is just covered in muck, but now the whole weekend's shot."
The Schumachers said the unbearable ordeal began at check-in, when the reservations clerk handed the couple their keys, winked, and said, "Enjoy your stay." From that moment forth, virtually everything that occurred during the weekend induced cringes and winces from the aging pair.
"I love Edna, and I enjoy spending time with her," Duane, 58, said. "But when you're at that place, wherever you go, you know that the staff thinks you're either just coming from, or on your way to, having sex. I don't care for that kind of attention."
Thinking that "once they got settled, they would at least be able to relax," the Schumachers realized upon entering their suite that there was no escape from the crippling awkwardness that awaited them. At the sight of the red plush carpeting, red light bulbs, garish neo-Victorian nudes, and ceiling mirrors above the waterbed, Duane said he began having a severe attack of acid reflux.
The retiree, whose nighttime routine includes a shower at approximately 8 p.m., said that when he saw the heart-shaped hot tub in the center of the room, his first thought was, "How am I going to take a shower in that?"
According to Edna, a complimentary gift basket on the dresser contained flowers, Godiva chocolates, passion-fruit bubble bath, body oil, condoms, and "several battery-operated 'marital aids' that I don't care to describe."
"The chocolates were good," she said. "But they were the only thing we had to eat. Was that the hotel's idea of a proper supper?"
Edna, who privately told her daughter that she has been haunted by the image of her husband's posterior ever since she saw him emerge from the hot tub Friday evening, said, "There was an Inspector Lynley on Channel 13 that I was hoping to catch Friday night."
As the romantic weekend away from home progressed, so did the aging couple's agony.
"I could hardly sleep, which kept Edna awake, too," Duane said. "And that waterbed made Edna so seasick, I had to get up and make a 1 a.m. trip to Walgreens to get Dramamine."
On Saturday morning, the couple said they were informed that FantasyLand Suites does not offer morning newspapers—leading Duane to spend close to an hour angrily bellowing, "What do I have to do to just get a copy of the paper?!"
"It was even worse in the breakfast dining room," Edna said. "There we were, surrounded by young couples who were all over each other, and Duane is barking at me about 'What kind of a hotel doesn't have Total?'"
That night, the Schumachers suffered through a moonlight cruise on Lake Michigan, complete with violin accompaniment. During the cruise, which lasted for several hours, Duane said he had no way to return to shore to access the overnight bag containing his foot medication. Additionally, the couple missed their normal evening newscast.
On Sunday morning, the couple checked out and spent the rest of the day at a local Motel 6.
"We've been married for 30 years. There comes a point in a man and woman's life when you're happy just to get a good night's sleep," Duane said.

MORE CHEMO AND A GOLD PLATED INJECTION

If this isn't proving too boring, here's the latest on my therapy. I got my records, and the plot thickens. The actual PET scan report said "mixed at best" and has got us thinking there may be more radical therapies out there we'll have to investigate. I'm willing to let them do WHATEVER to cure this, so we'll see. PLUS, I was prescribed a drug to build up my red blood cell count. After I finally found a drug store that carried it, it turned out that Blue Cross hadn't authorized payment for it. Naive me asked, "How much is it?" figuring I'll pony up the bucks. It was, get this, $1000 per teeny little vial, or $4000 in all. Stuff you don't want to spill. Anyhoo, after heroic efforts manning the phone, Sandy got someone to get them to authorize the payment, and I'm injected with that valuable stuff. I'm also back on chemo, though maybe I'll be doing more. I've got medical connections, and they're nosing out other people to talk to. It turns out you have to get feisty to see what's possible. So feisty I will get. Over and out for now.

REALITY CHECK

I've been getting some nice emails about the latest news, and I did put a positive "spin" on it because my doctor did. But I have to be honest---the more I investigate, some of the news isn't so great. If it turns out there actually is malignancy in two of my lymph nodes, that would be bad. Very bad. Plus, survival rate for my kind of cancer isn't, in the best of times, that high. So to be honest (and a bit depressing) though I feel it's getting more possible I'll be around in five years to remember this, the odds are still against it. I'm doing everything I can and so are my doctors, but I'm not out of the woods yet.

THE INTERIM VERDICT

I just got back from seeing Dr. Robinson, who had the results of my PET scan and blood tests. The official reports are "mixed" but in general the news is good. The central tumor has shrunk, though a few teeny tiny indicators lit up in lymph glands---though he thinks this could be inflammation and essentially nothing. They're so small as to be almost not there. There's also some thickening of the pleural lining, which is probably the cause of the uncomfortable feeling (i.e. pain) I feel when I exercise. The three blood indicators of cancer have all gone down as well. I've got to return to chemotherapy, plus some shots to build up my red blood cells so I'm not quite so tired. As a result, I won't be teaching full time in the fall. As for the BIG question, I'm getting better and we're all hopeful that this will all someday be a scary memory.